Believing lies about reality leads to unhappiness. When your map of reality matches the reality itself, you tend to be happier because your expectations of the world around you are accurate. You are seldom disappointed. It’s difficult for you to be defeated, to feel depressed or discouraged. Because you see things as they really are.
So how do you know when you are believing a lie?
Here are three clues to look for in your own behavior, speech patterns, or attitudes that may indicate your believing some sort of lie about the way things really are. Anything you say, feel, or do that seems to…
…might indicate that you are believing, and even defending a lie about how things really are.
When faced with any problem, or uncomfortable situation, watch your language. Do you say things that are intended to bring shame to another person, or even yourself? Do you try to assign blame for the way things are, to another person or even to yourself? Or do you work to justify the wrong actions of another person, or even yourself?
If so, it may be time to examine your premise. There’s a good chance that something you currently believe about reality is inaccurate.
The accurate view of reality will always lead you to recognize, in the words of my friend Armand Morin, “It is what it is”. No shaming, blaming, or justifying required.
It is possible, perhaps even common, to get the desired behavior from another person for reasons completely different from your own. I offer this without commentary on what it might mean morally, or psychologically, merely as an observation.
When I was about 14 years old I wanted a job at a radio station. The problem is, the radio station wasn’t hiring. I hit upon the strategy of showing up with annoying regularity day after day, asking for some kind of job. Apparently the annoying part of my strategy worked: the manager of the radio station finally stopped in the lobby where I was waiting when they, looked at me and said, “if I give you a job, would you stop bugging me?”
I got what I wanted; he got what he wanted. Just not for the same reasons.
In the end, did the reasons matter? My point (and, with apology to Ellen Degeneres, I do have one) is that we should never confuse our own motivation for the other person’s motivation. Thinking about what motivates the other person in any negotiation is almost always a more effective basis for that negotiation.
Even though we may feel our reasons to be superior to those of the other party, our reasons are not the same as theirs.
What if you were braver than you thought?
What if you discovered you possessed superpowers?
What if you were the last hope for humanity?
What if you had the power to change the world for the better?
What if… you treated everyone you met as if all those things were true of them, too?
What if you conducted business that way?
Sometimes when we encounter a problem, especially in business, we ask the wrong questions. We ask questions that diminish our ability to overcome the adversity we face. We ask…
- “Why didn’t I see this coming?”
- “Who is to blame?”
- “Why does this always happen to me?”
More than likely those questions are not going to help us access our best personal resources for dealing with the problem we’re facing. Here are 3 questions that will:
- “What’s good about this?”
- “What valuable lesson can we learn from this?”
- “What opportunities might this create?”
If you have some empowering questions of your own, share them in the comments below!
Add more value first.
It really is that simple; everything else is little more than wishful thinking at best, and manipulation at worst.
A good question to start asking continuously: “How can I add more value right now?”
Key words: “right now”.